Dealing with my Anxiety

I have had this post in my drafts for a long time and I have been putting off posting it until now. My anxiety is something that is super hard for me to talk about sometimes but I felt like if I could help out one person with this post it would be worth it.

I have always had a fair amount of anxiety but it only started getting really bad a couple months ago. I thought the source of it was from a birth control that I had started mixed with wedding planning and being newly engaged.

To help fix this issue I put all wedding planning on my mom and stopped taking the birth control. I was still experiencing both anxiety attacks and panic attacks. I felt like I was in such a bad place and I had panic attacks from being afraid of getting another panic attack. I didn’t sleep and I didn’t eat for days on end. I really felt like I wasn’t the one in control of my own brain. It terrified me to be alone or to sleep or to eat. There were many nights that I made Chris drive an hour because I was crying and shaking too hard to even breathe. I would shake and pace and cry and I didn’t know how to even start to deal with any of it.

Nothing was helping and things were only getting worse for me. I started having panic attacks at work and it was getting in the way of regular things that I did. I went to the doctor and finally got a prescription and things were getting a little better. I was still struggling to eat and sleep and be alone but my anxiety attacks decreased from 4 times a week to only once or twice. I really thought that things were clearing up but I only had a limited amount of these pills and eventually I ran out and had to go back to the doctor. He gave me a new and different prescription (not because the first one didn’t work but because it isn’t meant for long time use) and I was really scared to try it.

I am currently still on it and it works okay. I still only sleep for about 3 hours at a time and I can get really scared to be alone because I am scared that I will have another panic attack.

Basically everyone has tried to tell me that its just the wedding but being with Chris seems to be one of the few things that calms me down. When I’m having an anxiety or panic attack it also seems like knowing that the wedding will be over in X amount of days doesn’t calm me at all. I have dealt with more stressful times in my life and dealt with them just fine. I don’t know where this anxiety comes from or what triggers it but I am trying everything that I possibly can.

I don’t just want to complain for a whole post so lets get into the things that I have done that seem to help. These are all based on my own personal experience so if you decide to try them I cannot guarantee that they will work. 

  1. Tea

I drink a lot of sleepy tea and it seems to at least help me sleep. This doesn’t necessarily help me with my anxiety but it does help with being able to sleep. Helping with this particular side effect is the best I can do right now. I drink it at about 9 every night and by the time midnight roles around I am usually tired enough to fall asleep. This doesn’t work for me every night but it helps enough that I do it most every night.

2. Essential Oils

I was definitely skeptical about this method for a long time but after I had used some that actually helped with what they were meant to, I decided to give it a try. I have bath bombs, body wash, and bath salts with calming and relaxing essential oils in them. I have found really help sometimes. I know that there are a lot of people that have tried to tell me that the effects of essential oils are all in my head but so is my anxiety so maybe it a match made in Heaven.

3. Prescriptions

While the other things that I have tried have been pretty big helps, being on a prescription for my anxiety has been one of the biggest helps. It can be super frustrating to try to find the right prescription that balances with other prescriptions you’re on such as birth control. I think that for me, even if it might not be the right anxiety medicine yet, knowing that I am on the path to finding it also helps me feel better.

4. Having someone to talk to

For me, this person is almost always Chris. Seeing as he has promised to deal with me for the rest of forever, having him around is pretty calming. Sometimes he will literally tell me that no matter how shakey I am and no matter how much I have the urge to pace around the house I just need to sit down and he will help to distract me until I start to feel better. Another person who has been a huge help to me has been my mom. My mom is the best possible mom I could have asked for and I don’t know that there are many people who understand me better than I understand myself like she does. She knows what to say and what to do to make me feel better even when I am 100% sure it won’t work.

5. Finding comfort in religion

If you are someone who is not religious or who does not find comfort in spiritual things then feel free to skip this paragraph. However, I promised myself that I wouldn’t chicken out of writing about this aspect of my anxiety so here it goes. For me being able to talk about church-related things more comfortably with people that struggle with similar things is so comforting. I know that through things such as prayer and scripture study I can to overcome things like this.

This has been a really tough subject for me to share as I am sure it is for many others that struggle with anxiety. I know that there are people who struggle in different ways and I really hope that something I have shared can help out.

Let me know what things you have found that help you when you’re feeling anxious.

Wedding Planning: Bridal Showers

So I know that technically this isn’t a thing that I plan but I am still involved so I figured I should write about it.

Just yesterday my aunt and my grandma threw me the best bridal sower. The theme was garden party and everything was so cute and perfect. I wish I would have taken pictures to show you guys but I was way too busy enjoying everything.

I had been traveling since Wednesday so I wasn’t really sure that I was in the mood for FFA (forced family activities) but everything turned out great. The morning of my bridal shower I had been camping with my parents and drove three hours to get to the party. When I walked in there was food and flowers everywhere and I still had to go get dressed and do my makeup so I didn’t even have time to process what was going on.

One thing about bridal showers that I learned is that since most everything is out of my hands that means that I shouldn’t stress. I was really nervous that Chris’ mom and Grandma wouldn’t get a long with my family very much. I definitely should have calmed down about this one because it looked like everyone got along great. I know that this may not be the experience of everyone when the two families meet but it is definitely a huge blessing to me that everyone gets a long really well. (Maybe they all secretly hate each other and were just putting on a show for me but I’d like to go with my first assumption.)

I also learned that my family. as well as Chris’ is so amazing and so thoughtful with gifts. I know that most of them traveled several hours there and back to be there to support me, which meant the world to me, and they gave me the most thoughtful gifts. I would list them all but that would take too long but just know that everything is amazing and I  love it and I have enough towels that there will never be anything wet in my apartment.

I realize that not everyone has the same experience with their bridal shower but I cannot even express how thankful I am for all the work and time that was put into mine. Everything from the food to the games to the decorations and the gifts was amazing.

Let me know what your best (or worst) bridal shower experiences are and how you deal with them!

Dealing With Period Skin

IMG_1487

Basically periods suck all around. I think the only benefit I ever saw from having one was freshman year gym class when I didn’t have to swim for that week.

On top of the many things that I dislike about my period my skin falls within the top 3.

I used to think that hormones only effected your skin right around your period but I have come to the conclusion that I can tell where I am at in my cycle based on what my skin is doing. Generally around the time of my period is my least favorite stage.

2 weeks before: My skin starts to break out just a little bit. Usually just a couple little pimples in the really sensitive areas of my face like the crease of my nose or my hairline.

2-3 days before: My skin starts to get really dry. It gets to the point where it burns to put on moisturizer and is constantly flaking and getting red. The worst areas for me during this time are right around my mouth and right next to my eyes along my cheekbones.

During: I don’t really have any complaints about my skin during my period. This might be the one time that I feel like its not getting too oily or dry and my breakouts have cleared up for a bit.

As far as tips for dealing with trouble skin during different times of your cycle here is what I do:

For oily days: On the days when my skin is more oily I still use moisturizer but I go for a more water based moisturizer. My go to has been the Simple Hydro-Boost moisturizer. I also am pretty adamant about drinking lots of water.

For makeup on these days I use the Maybelline Fit Me foundation and the Flower setting powder. I also make sure that I carry setting powder around with me so that when my skin gets a bit more oily during the day.

For dry days: On days when my skin is dry and flakey I don’t tend to wear a lot of makeup because it flakes off. I still use the same Soap and Glory face wash during these days. It is a bit more drying but it seems that if I change my face wash it only makes it worse.

I make sure that I use the Loreal Skin Active moisturizer over my whole face and an oil based skin serum around my eyes and mouth where my skin is the flakiest.

For breakout days: I have a lot less breakouts now that I’m on these prescriptions but on the days when I have a few more trouble spots the Tarte Shape Tape is my best friend. I do the normal skincare routine but when I do my makeup I make sure that I use some color correction with the Shape Tape on top of trouble spots.

 

Let me know what you guys do to help your skin for your period and the best tips and tricks you have for different parts of your cycle.

 

Sun and Sunburns

My absolute favorite thing about summer is being able to be outside.

However, I will be the first to admit that I can sometimes suck at putting on sunscreen. It always takes that first 4th of July sunburn to teach me my lesson every year. (This year it was technically the 9th of July but whatever.)

img_1546.jpg

As I’m writing this my shoulders and my back and my thighs are burning and I have applied Aloe three times already. I know that there are a lot of home remedies for sunburns and that the best remedy is to just reapply sunscreen so you don’t end up with this problem in the first place, but I feel like there are almost too many to choose from.

I am lucky that I didn’t burn my face because my skin is already dry enough with the prescriptions I am on. I really don’t need it peeling in a couple weeks when I am trying to move and get a new job.

My favorite thing to do with a fresh sunburn is go to the movies. It’s cold and dark so it seems like a great environment for my new lobster looking skin.

This is just a little rant about my least favorite thing about summer. If you guys have any fool-proof sunburn remedies let me know!

Dying My Hair!

So I have wanted to dye my hair for a while and I am finally going to do it in a couple weeks. I know that when my hair is colored it will take a lot more maintenance but right now I want to make sure that my hair is as healthy as it possibly can be as to not cause more damage than normal.

I’ve already talked in a previous post about what I do to care for my hair and now that I am getting ready to color it I want to make sure that its extra healthy.

I still use the same Herbal Essences Rose Hips Shampoo for washing my hair. I stick with my schedule of washing every other day or every two days depending on how much I sweat when I work out. (Also it’s summer so that is a bit more often.)

I also started using a new Coconut Water conditioner. It is the Renpure Professional Coconut Water Hydrating Conditioner. I am in love with the way this smells, first of all. When I first used it I didn’t think that it would be that great because it isn’t as thick as other conditioners I’ve used.

IMG_1541

I was definitely pleasantly surprised by it. My dead ends feel hydrated and healthy and it doesn’t leave any gross residue. Overall 10/10 would recommend for any dry or damaged hair.

The other thing I use more often is hair treatments. These I do pretty often and I love to try some new ones. My go to is the OGX Renewing + Argon Oil of Morocco Intense Moisturizing Treatment. I have been in love with this product for a long time and I SWEAR BY IT. It makes my hair so silky soft and it feels so healthy. I think the best thing is that it smells great and works even better. I will put this on after the shower and put my hair all up in a clip to let it soak in and then rinse it with lukewarm water.

IMG_1543

The other new thing that I have been trying is hair masks. Some of them I have found are really great and some of them are just so-so.

img_1544.jpg

(Sorry these are all in plastic bags I just never use the whole package all at once.)

Over the past couple weeks I have been trying three different ones: HI-PRO-PAC Coconut Oil & African Shea Butter, Love Beauty and Planet Murumuru Butter & Rose Blooming Strength and Shine 2 Minute Magic Masque, and the Shea Moisture Peace Rose Oil Complex, Nourish & Silken Treatment Masque w/ Date Palm & Camelia Extracts.

I like using each of these for different reasons so I use them interchangeably. The HI-PAC-PRO makes my hair really soft and it smells so good. My hair feels thicker and it feels healthy.

The Love Beauty and Planet one is one of the best smelling products I have ever used. I seriously cannot get enough of it. It makes my hair really shiny and it adds some much needed nutrients that make my hair feel better for days after using it.

The Shea Moisture one is probably my least favorite only because it is really heavy. My hair doesn’t feel flowy the next day and it gets really oily really fast after using it.

Once I color my hair, my routine will definitely change so keep your eye out for my post about it!

Let me know what you guys do to help prep your hair for color and what you do to care for it after it’s colored.

Wedding Planning: Some of the Things You Don’t Think About

So we are getting closer and closer to the wedding date but I wanted to write a post about general planning for being married that comes along with the wedding.

The biggest stressor for Chris and I has been finding a place to live. We have found a house that we love and our offer has been accepted! Its close to his work and I absolutely love everything about it. We’ve had some hiccups with the loan but so far we are looking forward.

The struggle with finding a place for the two of you in a place where families are pretty big is that most houses are big and also a bit out of our price range.

We definitely thought about renting and we looked at lots of places but we weren’t finding anything we liked. We decided that if it was possible to buy then we would. It’s a really great investment and we can rent it out later to college kids in the area. We found a great 4 bedroom place (which is more bedrooms than we need but its kind of the best we could do) which is pretty new and its within our price range.

It has a small backyard and a great little kitchen that I can’t wait to move into.

So we bought it. Hopefully I’ll be able to move in before we get married and then Chris can move in with me after we get married. That way I can get everything set up so that when we get back from our honeymoon we can hit the ground running and get back to work and school.

This will also give me a chance to get used to driving to places like the grocery store and find the best routes for us to work before we have to step into actually getting married. (Those seem silly but its the little things that can stress me out.)

There are also a lot of legal things to take care of after you change your last name other than your Instagram handle or your signature. I haven’t done any of this yet so keep your eye out for a post in September about it.

I think the other big thing I didn’t really think about is that getting surprises for Chris is going to be really hard when we share a bank account. He will be able to see how much I spent and where I spent it so I’m not really sure how I’m going to deal with that.

If anyone has any tips on how to best surprise our spouse when you share accounts let me know because surprising Chris is one of my favorite things to do.

Full Face of Makeup: What I do and How I do it

IMG_1495

On a day-to-day basis I don’t wear a full face of makeup. This is mostly due to the fact that I work at 8 am and I like sleeping in almost as much as I like Chris (my fiance).

However, I do love doing a full face of makeup. I think its so fun and creative. So, here is what I do and how I do it.

(This is also going to be a really long post so sorry about that.)

The first step for me is always primer. For primer I use the Milani Prime Perfection. I like the way this makes my skin feel and its great for my makeup to go on. I don’t feel like it makes it too oily or dry. The consistency is a bit like sunscreen but it helps set my skin up for foundation really well.

8hvXmJaSQym1mv+z%PYvNQ

My next thing is always eye primer. I use a tinted primer because for me I think it makes my shadow look really good as well as makes it stay in place really well. I use the Ulta Beauty Tinted Primer in Satin Blush. This is a really creamy formula but I think sometimes I don’t even need to put on shadow because I love the color so much.

tTBbETypQlq2IvTKxu6wpA

Next I do color correction. Because I have some red pigmentation on my skin from acne scarring I use green color correction to offset it. I use the Maybelline New York Coverstick Corrector Concealer. It goes on really well and I feel like it has a really good balance of color that covers my pigmentation.

J4YLKDt%QxuVyQci78a7dg

Then I color in my brows. My eyebrows are basically non existent until I put them there so this is probably my favorite step. I use the No. 7 Beautiful Eyebrow Pencil. I have used this forever and I absolutely love it. Pencils are definitely my favorite way to color by brows in because I have never had much luck with powders or gels.

7NgPz%ENSmChjUH%gbh0Cw

Than I start with eyes. For my shadow I use an Ulta Beauty brand pallet I got for free a little while ago. Since this is a sample size instead of a normal one I don’t know exactly the palette is called. It has some great colors in it and you can definitely tell that it has been well loved.

The eyeliner I am currently using is the NYX Skinny Eye Marker. I love that NYX has such a wide variety of sizes and styles for liner. This one is the only one I have tried so far but I love it.

GX+eTiB4RgG9aYHiisIiGg

For mascara my go to is usually the Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara but right now I am loving the Maybelline New York Lash Sensational Mascara for my top lashes and the Sonia Kashuk mascara for my bottom lashes. The Maybelline mascara makes my lashes look so big and full and long and is definitely a more affordable mascara option.

nDy2CVGPRUGA8A45BuWYrg

Next is foundation. This one is a little trickier to nail down because I use something different depending on the time of year. Right now I use a combination of the Flower Cosmetics Light Illusion Foundation and the NYX Total control drop foundation. I combine these two mostly because one is a bit too light and the other is a bit too dark. I like the way they go on and I love the way they last all day. The Flower Foundation is a really light coverage foundation but it feels really good. It doesn’t feel heavy and it doesn’t end up looking cakey on my skin.

Other foundations that I like to use are the Maybelline Fit Me as well as the Rimmel 25 Hour wear foundation. Both of these I like for different reasons but I definitely always have a bottle in my makeup bag.

After foundation comes concealer. I apply concealer under my eyes, down my nose, and on the scarring on my cheeks. My staple concealer is the Tarte Shape Tape. I have talked about this a lot before but it is still hands-down my favorite.

OHxL20rwTWqq203+XIL%qQ

Then I do contour. I use the Flower Lift & Sculpt Contour Kit. I apply highlight down my nose, on my cheekbones, and a touch on my chin. I contour under my cheekbones, the sides of my nose, and on my forehead. I love how pigmented these are and how well they go on over foundation.

w7k90zgjqzukyo0apdv6tg.jpg

For setting powder I use the Flower Miracle Matte Universal Finishing Powder. I have used colored finishing powders but I think I like the translucent ones the best. It helps my makeup stay in place all day and it helps my skin to look extra flawless.

s8r2HJ65TC+3KQl89CD23Q

Lip color is by far my favorite part of makeup. I have too many colors to count but I’ll just share a few of my current faves. There is the NYX Lip Lingerie in the color Exotic, the Ulta Beauty Lasting Lip Color in the color Crown, Ulta Beauty Matte Lip Cream in the color Stirring, and the Ulta Beauty Matte Lip Crayon in the color Engagement.

The final and last step of this whole process is setting spray. While the Urban Decay All-Nighter setting spray will always be my favorite I am currently trying out the Flower Seal the Deal Matte Finish Setting Spray. I honestly don’t know if this is any better or worse but it smells so good that I almost don’t care.

G2XDsSFQRuWNz19jqMMUbg

So this is the basics of my makeup routine. Keep an eye out for upcoming posts that go into a little more detail about how I do it and how I change it up. Also, let me know what your favorite products are and what order you do your makeup in!

Wedding Planning Part 5

Currently we are 79 days away from the wedding! There are still a lot of things to do but I feel like I need to give my mom a huge shoutout. She has taken over much of the planning and is communicating with my fiance’s mom to make sure that everything happens. I was getting pretty bad anxiety attacks so this had really helped to lessen the stress on me right now.

I think I feel like everything is finally starting to come together. The dress, the shoes, the decorations. It feels like maybe this whole day might actually come together. (Did I just jinx myself?)

The only other thing that is stressing me out is planning an open house in California at my parents place. Having parents that live in two separate places is kind of a pain but that means that we get to celebrate with people who are really special to both of us.

So far the biggest thing that I have had to deal with has been letting things go. I have to accept that my dream day is mostly a dream and whatever happens at the end of the day Chris and I will be married and that is the most important part.

If the time changes or if the brides maids dresses aren’t exactly what I want, those things don’t make a difference when it comes down to it. People are here to celebrate us. They aren’t here to celebrate the food or the table decorations.

Let me know what your biggest wedding planning lesson has been!

 

All About Me!

So I realized that I have never really introduced myself to you guys. So here it goes!

My name is Kate and I am currently living in Idaho and going to school for communications with an emphasis in public relations. I also work on campus in the IT department in the communications office.

I am also currently engaged! My fiance’s name is Chris and he is my favorite human being.

IMG_1433

We met on campus and we are planning to get married in September! You can go check out my latest post about wedding planning here.

I also really love makeup and beauty. I started struggling with my skin a little over a year ago and I tried every remedy under the sun. Eventually I broke down and went to a dermatologist here. They gave me not one, not two, but three prescriptions to attack the issue. Albeit my skin definitely struggled a bit at the beginning and eventually came out better and clearer on the other side.

The prescriptions made my skin dryer than the Sahara desert. They also made my skin BURN so much. There were nights I would open the window (during winter when it was below 0 and snowing) so that I could feel the cold air on my face while I laid in Chris’ lap trying not to cry because it made my skin burn more.

My skin has gotten a little better since then and now it only gets dry and burns right around my period.

(Here’s a side by side of my skin 8 months ago and my skin now)

I have also really fallen in love with makeup through this whole process. When I had really bad skin I hated makeup because I didn’t feel like it was covering up enough. Now I have come to the realization that I don’t like to use makeup to cover my skin up but rather to show off my skin. (I know that sounds cliche but whatever.)

I work in a professional environment so the first few times I went to work with pizza face it was a huge struggle. Then I realized that not only was it helping my skin to get better but it was also helping me be more confident.

Now I love that I can wear makeup to show off my skin and I feel so much better about it. I think that not wearing as much makeup now helps me to feel more confident in my skin and realize that no one thinks my skin looks as bad as I do.

I started watching beauty vloggers in high school and I thought they were so cool. I always thought they were these really cool girls who were so pretty and had this really awesome talent. Around this time was when I started really getting into beauty but I had no idea what I was doing. It wasn’t until a little over a year ago when I started to get somewhere and to a point where other people started asking me for my advice.

So that is kind of how I got to where I am now.

Let me know how you guys started to be interested in beauty and blogging in the comments!

My Vacation Skincare

IMG_1477

 

If you guys are anything like me vacations are amazing but also a bit of a skin nightmare. Unless its a staycation I definitely have to prepare for going anywhere for anymore than a few hours.

So my parents live in California and Chris’ parents live in Boise so anytime we go visit either of them my skin has no idea what to do. In Boise it is super dry (like more dry than Rexburg which I did not previously think was possible) and where my parents live its pretty humid.

I know that when I am in Boise as soon as I wash my face my skin feels like fabric stretched over a drum. However, because of this my skin likes to overcompensate and kick oil production into overdrive.

Usually the day before we leave I make sure that I shower and wash my face earlier in the evening (I am a firm believer in showering at night because I don’t like waking up any earlier than I absolutely have to) and I make sure to use a great moisturizer or skin serum. This helps my skin to get some really good moisture without making it too over oily. The morning of departure I use a really light and water-based moisturizer. This helps my skin to retain everything from the night before and it helps it to be able to not feel so tight the next day.

First of all, generally I don’t wear foundation on a day to day basis but especially not when I am traveling and my skin is confused. I also have to be very careful with the kind of moisturizer I use. Right now I am using a pretty heavy moisturizer at night (the Shea Moisture Daily Defense Moisturizer) and something lighter in the morning (either the Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit Moisturizer or the Simple Moisturizing Gel Cream.)

Another thing that I think is both a blessing and a curse on vacation is sunscreen. On one hand it keeps my skin protected from the sun but on the other hand it always clogs my pores. I know that there are a lot of great sunscreens out there that are really light and not oily for your skin but I definitely have the type of skin that has very easily clogged pores. I have always used kids sunscreen for my face because it seems to be the only thing that doesn’t irritate it.

If we are traveling somewhere a little more humid then I have to change up my skincare routine. I still use the same face wash but in the morning I use a really light moisturizer because I know that my skin is going to kick into hyperdrive oil production throughout the day. At night I make sure to wash my face with really warm water so that I can get all of the sweat and oil out of it and make sure that it is squeaky clean. Then I use a moisturizer that is somewhere in the middle between light and heavy. Usually here I’ll use a baby lotion because I feel like it makes my skin feel really good in these conditions. I usually go for the Johnson & Johnson night time baby lotion.

Let me know if you guys have any other vacation skincare tips and how you take care of your skin on vacation.